Personal
I am asleep in bed. The dog begins barking wildly. My eyes shoot open and I see a dark, hooded figure dart from the end of the bed followed by a flash of white light. At the same instant I hear my daughter let out a blood curdling scream. I leap from the bed and across the room, hurdling my wife, and start down the door chasing the man determined to tackle and beat the life from him. As I cross the threshold, I glance another man in my daughter’s room. Dressed in khaki and dark skinned is all my eyes glimpse as I am racing down the hall.
Suddenly, my brain catches up to my body and my conscious thought clicks in. Nothing, absolutely nothing. The dog had heard neighbors and began barking. She had scared my daughter with the noise and as the dog jumped off the bed, the TV (which my wife and I had fallen asleep watching) lit up the room. I stop dead in the hallway, pulse racing, jaw clenched and I realize where I am. My jaw is clenched in anger and I am ready to fight. I take a deep breath and turn headed for my daughter’s room. Somehow my brain had turned her toys and blanket into the dark stranger in khaki. All this took place in less than 5 minutes last night.
I returned to bed, jaw still clenched and pulse around 180 beats. My wife asked what was up and I told her nothing, but after a few minutes of thinking about what happened, I told her about the threat I had perceived. Then I found myself out of bed again checking and rechecking the house to make sure everything was secure and no one was lurking outside. I barely slept the rest of the night, my body still knotted with aggression.
Its been over six months since I returned from Iraq, yet my brain perceived a real combat threat in my house when the dog suddenly barked. My body reacted from muscle memory and I was ready for a fight. I don’t know what a psychologist would classify the incident as, but my reaction scared me. I have read that this is a dangerous time for soldiers returning from Iraq. Its when things start to go awry. I hope this is not a sign of things to come and it was just an extraordinary incident. I can’t help but keep thinking “Iraq wasn’t that bad. I didn’t get involved in fights nearly as bad as some of my friends did in the invasion. Why did that happen?”
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I don’t know the hows or whys, but I would bet this is a bit normal for you guys. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of talking to someone. I went through a traumatic even about 6 years ago, nothing like a war, but definitely traumatic. I got help from a therapist, just talking about it made things easier to deal with.
It’s called hypervigilance, maybe with a dash of exaggerated startle response throw in, and it sucks ass.
It’s also a strong indication of post traumatic stress disorder, and though that can sound scary it doesn’t mean the end of the world. talk to your doc.
Yea, I get what it was, I just didn’t know whether or not it was a Flashback, Hypervigilant Episode, or just a weird ass set of coincidences..
Had a lightning storm over here the other day, similar response comin outta me. I’m kinda used to the insane rush of anger and hatred that comes with it. I’m not sure what will help you, but what helps me is just going outside for a bit and looking around from the porch. Helps me remember where I am, and that there isn’t that big a threat on post where I live. Gimme a call if ya need to talk about anything man.