The Trailblazer from Hell

Most units receive a couple of Non-Tactical Vehicles when they arrive in theater.  This is usually handled through KBR and consists of such vehicles as gators, F-150’s, Pick-ups, and in our case a Trailblazer.

I have driven quite a few of our NTVs while in country this time.  They are the most useful things to get Class I, move equipment around, transport personnel to the PX, etc.  NTVs don’t require you to don all your gear just to drive 3 feet like the humvees do.  So you can imagine NTVs get quite a lot of intra-FOB use.  These vehicles are not designed for such harsh use in this environment.  Things start breaking almost immediately and they just keep getting used till they just stop working.

Enter the Trailblazer from hell.  This SUV resembles a white Trailblazer era 2007/2008.  However, if it ever was such a vehicle, it has long ceased to be.  I was amazed that it still blew cool air (not cold), although you have to get past the dust clouds coming from the vents and the loud screeching noise the belts make.  Then it starts to beep at you – the seatbelt warning.  So you don your seatbelt, but does the beeping stop?  Sometimes, but most the time it just beeps incessantly making you want to pull your hair out.  Its almost as if its taunting you to make it shut up.  Driving the beast is just as much fun.  Besides the incessant beeping and the dust cloud coming from the vents, you can hear the drive train grinding to a slow death.  The transmission light just glows menacingly at you, daring you to see if you can make it to your destination.  The body is covered in dents, scratches, and it has a broken taillight.  Oh, and the radio is broken and only picks up one Iraq station, barely.

Now when you arrive at your destination, make sure you put it in neutral and use the parking brake or you will never leave.  Park is completely shot and although the dash says its in “P” its really still in “R” as it now seems to have two reverse positions and no park.  If you don’t know this, much like one of the guys here, you will end up walking all the way back to our compound to report that the vehicle is dead only to have laughter break out and fingers pointed in your direction.  A harsh education to the will of this beast. Oh, and the parking brake used to keep the truck in place since “P” has ceased to exist?  It barely functions at all.  Better park on even ground and carry a chock just to be safe.

That is our NTV, its acceptably servicable for this location.  It still moves under its own power and the brakes work.  Heck, I have seen Iraqis drive things ten times worse.