Searching for the Sweet Spot

I have been quietly reflecting on a lot the last few weeks.  I re-connected with a few old friends and it got me to thinking.  Two of them are doctors now.  Several are still doing exactly what they were doing back when, and some have moved on to other things. I began to reflect on the past several years of my life and the decisions I made. 

Before I tell you what the conclusion was I came to, I need to tell you that I recently finished a book called Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot by Max Lucado.  Basically, the book gives you a guide and some tools to find out what your sweet spot is and how that fulfills God’s plan for you.  Its was a really good book and left me with a few lessons.  The first was to do the best you can for and to do it for God.  In other words, no matter what your task is, do the best you can do.  Don’t try to be more than you are at that moment.  If you are a window washer, be the best window washer you can be, don’t try to be a surgeon.  The second was not to judge “you” on those around you and what they have.  Be the best “you” you can be.  Maybe some of that will make sense in context, and I am sure some won’t. However, if that little bit tweaked your interest, I highly recommend the book and you would be well served by it.

I actually finished the book over a month ago, but the lessons are becoming apparent only now and only in conjunction with my own reflections.  Anyway, the conclusion I came to was that I am doing darned well!  My friends may be engineers, lawyers, or doctors.  I may not be rich or have a life of luxury, but what I have I am very proud of.  I just don’t think I realized it this way before.  I always considered what I was doing for a living as a stop gap till something better came along.  I have always been a guy who judges himself on how he rates against his peers and who defines himself by what he does more than by who he is.  I have always been a bit of an over achiever and a Type A.  That is what makes me a good paramedic and soldier.  However, I have decided that I don’t need to do that anymore.  I can still strive to be the best me I can be without judging my self against others.  I know I will still have bad days and decisions, after all I am far from perfect, but I know that the way I approach them from now on will be different.

I think I may have finally found my elusive “sweet spot.”  I have a wonderful family.  I have THE best wife I could ever ask for.  No matter what we have been through, she has stuck it out, supported me, and always been there.  I have a beautiful, smart, and loving daughter, and a new addition to watch become the person she will be.  I have a job I actually like, even with all its issues.  I am productive, healthy and very good at what I do.  I don’t need anything more. My road map might not have played out as I wanted it to, but I am where God wants me to be I believe.

However you see it, I think I may have reached some sort of contentment with who I am.  I will, of course, continue to strive to be better, but now I don’t think it will stress me nearly as badly as it used to that I am not where I think I should be.  I think I am exactly where I should be and doing exactly what I should be doing.  Who really cares about the Joneses.  I certainly don’t need to keep up with them. 

All this “deep” thought came while I looked at a picture of all things.  I was looking at this picture of me on a rucksack march with a buddy.  I realized I was proud of that moment.  I was proud of what I did in a deeply personal way, not just in the esoteric, abstract way people are proud of serving or being productive.  It didn’t matter what I didn’t become, I was proud of what I had become instead.  I could stand tall next to all my friends and say “This is what I do! This is my life!” and not be in the least bit bothered by their careers, lifestyles, or what they had achieved.  I always wondered if I would be embarrassed by being “just a..” in a circle of peers from my past.  No longer. 

I am a husband, father, medic, and soldier, and damnit I am proud of that!

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