Repeating Realities
This particular dream occurred about a month before I came home. Now that the holiday is over and the superstitious deja vu that accompanies strange dreams cannot occur, I decided it was safe to relate. The dream hasn’t recurred at all, but it has sort of stuck around my subconscious so I am putting in down “on paper.”
Its Christmas Morning, and I am sitting at home in pajamas feeling content and enjoying myself. The tree is decorated, the house is warm and bright, and for some reason I can smell fresh bread. I am sitting on the couch watching my daughter get excited about all her presents. Outside the window the desert winds blow and I can see the Kurdish mountains in the distance. I think about it for a second, but brush it off.
My daughter grabs her first present. She tears into the wrapping, and I notice its a foam rock, badly painted, and it seems to be ticking. I realize its a bomb, grab it and toss it out the door. I hear it pop kind of like a firework, but that’s it. I turn to see her holding up another box, just as it explodes. My reality is vaporized in a white light and the scene resets. My daughter reaches for another present and it explodes in an orange ball, her smiling face imprinted on my brain as it vaporizes in the cloud.
Reset.
My wife is placing her new necklace on and the house explodes inward.
Reset.
Over and over again everything just explodes in front of me vaporizing my dream “reality” and resetting the circumstances. At this point I realize that every gift under our tree is an IED and that nothing I do will keep my family from being vaporized in a ball of flame. I am the only person who knows what is happening and I am completely helpless to stop it. I know its not real, even in my dream, but that fact does not lessen the horror of the situation in the least.
Finally, there is a big explosion and everything is dark. Slowly, I realize I am awake. In my bunk the oppressive darkness of a windowless steel box surrounds me. I can hear my deep breaths and feel my heart beat in my chest. The air is cool, and I am able to calm my anxieties relatively quickly. I glance at the clock and its 3:47am. I decide to just get up, any chance of sleep is gone.
Short URL: http://bit.ly/brHncN
I am so sorry for the nightmares. I pray and hope that all of the returning vets, ALL, soon leave them behind in the “normal” lives of their families. Best wishes for you in the year ahead.
The Thunder Run has linked to this post in the – Web Reconnaissance for 01/02/2008 A short recon of what’s out there that might draw your attention, updated throughout the day…so check back often.
Hopefully putting your thoughts and dreams down on (virtual) paper will help you work through them. I also would have waited to talk about this one – I always seem to jinx myself. It’s a great sign that the dream (nightmare) hasn’t retirned and that you and your family are safe. Be sure to talk to people, as needed, who can help you during your “transition.” God bless you and your family for your service and sacrifice.